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Dear Prisoner ES6859/Favorite victim of Lynne Abraham,
Although I’m using a different name in this letter, I am one of the legal professionals who had the divine pleasure of working alongside legendary D.A. Lynne Abraham back in July 2001 – when we dragged you back here to face justice and you stepped off that plane scared as hell (we also love your Graterford mug-shot where you look like you just wet your pants). On behalf of us all, I really wanted to wish you an ‘utterly delightful’ eighth anniversary this year behind bars!
I can hardly believe nearly eight years have passed since we gleefully tore your whole world apart and thus boosted all our careers. Even today, it’s still such a thrill just to drive by your prison and know that you’re rotting inside – thanks to Holly, her courageous family, President Clinton and OF COURSE US!!! especially applaud the efforts of my two personal heroes, the brilliant leader Abraham and the handsome Joel Rosen. They’re the ones who are most responsible for beating you down to the ground.
It also brings us great pleasure to know your appeals are as dead as your mom! Although you clearly presented us an unusually stubborn prey, your antlers still hang on our wall to this day and you’ll never succeed on appeal. However, our cheerful abuse of you doesn’t merely end in the courts. Just for kicks, we’re planning a private tomato toss (on July 19th or 20th) to rejoice over your grand defeat!
Anyway, we all hope that you’re missing your wife and French freedom more deeply than words can describe… that’s soooo great! Enjoy jail and keep living the miserable life that you did everything to avoid… but could NOT!
A bitter, insecure author once wrote “Violence always marks the end of a relationship.” Well Ira, it’s incarceration that has marked the end of our relationship with you! ***
Good riddance, ‘Kathy Lawrence’
PS – Your website is inspirational… it gave us all quite a good laugh.
Joel Rosen left the DA’s office in disgrace. When last heard from, his ‘handsome’ face was chasing ambulances.
He who laughs last, laughs longest.
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